


Swimming In The Flood

by limpfishkit



Series: stay away from my friends cause i need them (to carry me) [3]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Homesickness, hard to tag :/, theres some comfort but is overall a sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 10:45:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10785243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limpfishkit/pseuds/limpfishkit
Summary: homesickness gets to us all. it worms its way under our defences, and is difficult to shake off properly. it eats away at us differently. but we stick it out together.





	Swimming In The Flood

Jackson’s not sure when it got so cold. He remembers that day in China recording for a program he’s all but forgotten and how it was so hot they were all under umbrellas, sweating off their makeup and fanning themselves in vain. But now he’s back in Korea and October has arrived to let him know that he needn’t worry about heatstroke anymore (for a few months, at least). He rubs his arms a little and shivers.

 

Got7 have just finished recording for a music program and are waiting in their dressing room for the live performance. Jaebum is in a corner talking to their manager about something, Jinyoung and Mark are eating, and the maknaes are at the mercy of the stylists. Jackson is not ready yet but is instead watching the other groups’ performances. They’re performing last in the show so he has some time still before the stylists swoop on him.

 

As he’s watching Jackson gets a text, the buzz distracting him from the program. He swipes at his phone distractedly to see the message, and focuses more intently and excitedly when he sees it’s from his mum. 加油. _Fighting._ Good luck.

 

Jackson knows the text is not only for him so much as for all of the members, but he feels a surge of something he knows intimately rise within him; a mix of loneliness and resent and possessiveness and just plain sadness. He and his mother don’t often text, preferring to call and hear the sounds of each other’s voices, and something about reading the familiar yet estranged Chinese script sets off this absurd reaction within his soul, and Jackson is overwhelmed that he chokes up a little.

 

Jackson misses China. Yes, he’s been there practically every other week recording for this show and that show but he doesn’t get to see the country or talk to people, he’s there for work and for the fans. He doesn’t leave the hotel or the studio except to go to the airport. He supposes it’s nice to speak the language while he’s there, but Mandarin doesn’t come as easily as Cantonese does (not to mention English). And now he’s started slipping Korean into his speech in all of his languages unintentionally. The last time he did see his parents, he remembers the strange looks they gave him when he did this, and he felt so awkward and out of place.

 

The reverie is ended when Jackson is discovered makeupless by someone and he is suddenly in front of a mirror and surrounded by brushes and powders and hairspray. Bambam is sitting next to him, having been in his own chair for the last hour at least, Jackson thinks, still unhappy with his hair. The boy chatters away at Jackson for a bit, mentioning that he’s going back to Thailand for a week soon. This is understandable, given the recent events and that Bambam’s schedule is much emptier than Jackson’s, but the older can’t help feeling a stab of envy, wishing that he too could go visit his family, or that the group visited Hong Kong more, because he knows his parents love the other members too. A darker side of him selfishly thinks that he doesn’t want to share his parents, but Jackson has long since learnt that thinking like that is no way to live and dismisses it immediately.

 

“Hyung, are you listening to me?” Bambam pouts, finally happy with his hair and having turned to face Jackson only to see the other gazing into the mirror, clearly daydreaming.

 

“Of course I’m listening, Bammie,” Jackson assures the younger. “But who can take their eyes off this gorgeous face?” he gestures to his own reflection and waggles his eyebrows. Bambam makes an ‘ewwww’ noise and tells the older to save it for the camera, conveniently forgetting that he acts like this more than Jackson ever does, then leaves.

 

Apparently there were more than two people involved in the conversation, because Jackson notices Mark gazing at him in the mirror, face more serious than usual (which is saying something). He slides into Bambam’s vacated seat, and allows the stylists to fuss about him with the acceptance and easiness he always has.

 

Jackson can tell there’s a serious conversation coming, and while he loves to express his more serious side, if sometimes only to remind people that he has one, he knows that there is a time and a place for them and that this dressing room, 20 minutes before their performance, is neither.

 

So when Mark asks him carefully if he’s okay in Chinese, Jackson forces his emotions to stop swirling around his body and puts them in a folder deep into the back of his mind, stamped To Be Dealt With Later. This has happened before, whenever he seems to get too under the weather, without fail. It’s a cycle of pain and sorrow and whole hearted comforting, one that has gone on since Jackson moved to Korea, one he knows well. He responds in English that he read an article about the declining bee population and was almost moved to tears and can’t stop thinking about it, aware that Mark knows him better than this. They all do, but during their trainee days it was Mark who was there for him during times of homesickness and frustration and fear, so it’s Mark who simply raises his eyebrows and smoothly changes the topic, asking the woman doing his makeup currently how much longer she thinks the process will take. Jackson knows this means that they will talk later.

 

With his emotions now firmly under control, Jackson focuses on the program. Got7 give an amazing performance, as always, and they are all moved by the intensity and love with which the fans chant along to the song. Afterwards, the members greet and congratulate other groups, stopping to converse more personally those they are closer with. It has been a long day, but no more tiring than usual, so the usual content quiet of the van ride home doesn’t bother them (least of all Yugyeom, who has fallen asleep on Jaebum’s shoulder in the back – the leader doesn’t look far away from doing the same).

 

The fight for shower rights ensues when they get home, and as usual, it’s decided that the hyungs should go first, but said hyungs are too enamoured by their dongsaengs that they let them go first anyway. Jackson takes his time in the shower, scrubbing off the sweat and makeup, massaging his muscles and removing as much tension from his body as possible. He still can’t shake that bout of homesickness, but he’s dealt with it before, he’ll deal with it again.

 

It’s when he gets out the shower and sees Mark waiting on the couch, Youngjae next to him ensconced in his laptop screen – not that Mark is any better on his phone. The oldest looks up when Jackson walks in, gives him a meaningful Look, and heads into the shower himself.

 

Jackson goes into his room, expecting Jaebum to be there to give him some old-man advice on Mark’s behalf, but sees the room empty. He figures that the leader is in Jinyoung’s room talking to him; it’s not unknown for the two to share a bed when one is stressed or upset about something. Jackson gets into bed and gets out his phone, responding to the text from his mother and one from Namjoon. The latter strikes up conversation, and the two are talking in earnest when Mark walks in.

 

He tells Namjoon he’s going to sleep.

 

“I switched with Jaebum for the night,” Mark says simply. It’s not a secret that Jaebum misses rooming with Youngjae – the same way Jackson often misses rooming with Mark, but somehow the new arrangement works.

 

Mark doesn’t get into Jaebum’s bed, but instead sits on the side of Jackson’s, waiting for permission. Jackson sits up next to him. Mark wraps an arm around Jackson, pulls him a bit closer, runs his hand through his hair.

 

“Talk to me.” English this time, but that’s their go to when one is upset – it’s the closest to a first language either of them have got.

 

Jackson can feel the lump forming in his throat again, and this time with real tears welling up in his eyes. His chest is in pain, and he sniffs quietly. “My mom texted today.” Jackson says in Chinese. Nothing about Mark changes, but Jackson can tell he’s confused. “To say good luck for the show.” He can also tell that this does not explain his point. To be honest, he’s not sure what his point is.

 

Oh, right. “I miss China.”

 

Jackson hates talking to Mark about this, he cannot think of anyone who makes him feel more hypocritical in this moment without trying to. He knows that Mark doesn’t get to go home for months, sometimes years, at a time. But Mark is also one of the most selfless people he knows, and is always giving Jackson a shoulder to lean and cry on in times like these, probably because he knows better than anyone what Jackson is going through.

 

“You were there three days ago,” Mark remarks softly, and though Jackson could let this comment sting, he knows the older means well.

 

“It’s not the same,” Jackson mumbles. “It’s all work, I don’t get to really be in China, you know? And going to the mainland isn’t the same as going to Hong Kong, it’s not quite home, you know? I want to go home and just, I don’t know, I don’t… I’m…” he trails off as he begins to sob in earnest. Mark wraps both arms around him. He can sense the older is unhappy too, because Jackson is voicing exactly what he feels but refuses to acknowledge.

 

Jackson and Mark have always been each other’s rocks in this uncharted ocean that is Korea and K-Pop, tackling the language and cultural barriers together. So Jackson pours his heart out of his eyes wrapped in Mark’s arms, allows the other’s presence to soothe him. Mark whispers little encouraging phrases in Chinese every now and then as best he can. Eventually, Jackson is lulled to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Got7 wake up early the next day to get ready for a fansign. Jackson is woken by Mark, and he stretches and moans as much as possible before he stands up. Neither of them acknowledge the previous evening’s events. They go about the day as usual. Jackson can’t forget the pain he felt from yesterday, but he shoves it back in the To Be Dealt With Later folder and his Using Humour As A Defence Mechanism switch is flipped. He laughs and he smiles and he jokes, he does aegyo, he pulls faces, he is his usual bright and vibrant persona.

 

Mark watches on form the side, a small smile on his face. Its sadness can only be seen from the stage, but the members are watching Jackson, not him.

 

It’s hard for Mark, sometimes, watching Jackson. He doesn’t understand how the other can so easily pretend his problems aren’t real for the camera. For Mark, the thoughts don’t leave; on the inside of his head there is a constant war waging, his homesickness bringing a confusion and dysphoria to light that he wishes would stay in the dark. It’s why he so often can’t think of what to say, because if he said what he wanted to he’d probably end up… well, he doesn’t know where he’d end up. But he doesn’t want to find out.

 

So Jackson remains an enigma to Mark. He cannot fathom how the younger performs so well despite being so clearly troubled. The night before had been a wake up call for Mark. He’s ashamed that he didn’t see how upset Jackson was before, and concerned that he might be less okay that originally thought.

 

But the show must go on, Mark supposes. They cannot disappoint. Not the company, not the members, least of all the fans. So Mark does his best to imitate Jackson, throwing smiles in every direction hoping they are genuine, and playfully teasing the members. He tries not to hover around Jackson, lest the other notice his concern.

 

The show goes on, and the cycle continues.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3
> 
> so this was initially supposed to be part of the hurt/comfort series, but it didn't really work as a happy fic :/ sorry for making my boys suffer! the ending is a bit bleh but i still rlly like this one, hope you guys do too!
> 
> PS IF THE MANDARIN IS WRONG PLEASE CORRECT ME! i don't speak mandarin, i had to google that and i'm like 90% sure its right but PLEASE tell me if it isn't! 
> 
> shameless self promo [my tumblr!](2jae2real.tumblr.com) feel free to yell at me. memes are also accepted


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